RADIO SHOW WITH CAROLYN CJ JONES
Yesterday I had the privilege of being interviewed by Carolyn CJ Jones, a "Forgiveness Coach", Best Selling Author and radio show host. She has a weekly radio show and asked me to come be a part of it!
I LOVE the topic of forgiveness. It shifts us from anger into acceptance, from illness into healing and from a closed heart to an open, connected life filled with possibility.
During this 50 minute show, I speak with CJ about how practicing forgiveness is a critical part of being able to live our truth. I touched on my own healing journey and the role that practicing forgiveness towards myself and others played in opening me up to live the life of my dreams. We spoke about anger, love, being the curious "Observer" of your emotional experience and so much more. It was a fun, rich and authentic discussion! I invite you to check it out and to get interested in what opening the gates of your heart can do for the rest of your life. It may just lead you to bliss!
This is the most HONEST blog I’ve written to date. I’m putting my truth out on the table in an act of radical self love. Here you go...
Happy Valentines Day! To all of you who are in love and those of you who crave love, I wish you a happy day of honoring how love can show up even more in your life. In recent years I’ve begun to consider Valentine’s Day the day of practicing more Self Love. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be having a special evening with my honey tonight and I’m very grateful for that. But I’m also clear that I wouldn’t have gotten to this point of dinner and music with my husband if it wasn’t for self love.
As the Universe would have it, I'm being given yet another opportunity to practice profound self love these days. After getting married and going through what felt like a major spiritual portal of self growth and evolution a few months ago, I became ready to birth my life’s work. Truly. I’ve had a few ideas and dreams brewing in me for close to a decade now and I am finally ready to share them with the world. (Ironically, I needed to go through some major dark times and undergo a process of intense physical healing and restructuring of my life to become ready). The birthing of my dream is coming in the form of ALIGNED, a revolutionary 7-week transformational program that begins on April 3rd. You’ll be hearing all about it in the coming weeks :-). This is the culmination of everything I’ve been through, all that I’ve learned and integrated, as well as how I coach my clients towards living their ultimate lives. I really believe in this work and stand fully behind this process. It's how I live.
WHAT'S SELF LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
I became ready to offer these teachings because I love myself enough to commit to being the person I wanted to become. That person is living the dream that has been brewing in my belly. That person is humbly and courageously offering her own teachings based on her experience of walking the path of truth and reaping it's rewards. That person knows that all she can really do is walk her own path fully and by doing so can model the option to others of doing the same for themselves. I OWE it to myself to birth this dream of ALIGNED and the other offerings I'll be sharing this year. I can’t not do it anymore and in doing so I have to practice Self Love more radically than I ever have before. The old me who used to cut corners and step over her intuition and body occasionally is not the woman leading these courses. The old me who was an amazing film and photo producer because she handled every detail, burned the midnight oil and put others first is not the woman who models embodied truth by honoring the pace of her spirit and surrendering to what she cannot control. The old me who over scheduled herself and remained in her head instead of living and loving from her body is not the woman who will balance career, partnership and family rooted in simple pleasures and generous love. The continued fruition of my dream depends on me loving myself enough to gently put down another layer of my old skin yet again and become again and again who I'm meant to be.
WHO IS THE NEW YOU THAT YOU'RE BECOMING?
When I work with my clients on who they are becoming, we often give a name to the new them. This allows them to really identify and personify the charicteristics of their future self. Luckily for me, I’ll naturally be changing my name this year since I recently became married. My new name is Rony Reingold, which so wonderfully means “Pure Gold”. I’ve seized this as my opportunity to really slide into the skin of the me I am becoming. I am Rony Reingold and it's been very fun to define exactly what that means for me. It creates a new land to live in and an opportunity to step fully into my highest self.
So who are you becoming? And if you’re not sure of that yet, who do want to be? Who is that person within you that you owe it to yourself to become? How do they live their life? How do they dress? What car do they drive? What music do they listen to or do they choose instead to sit in silence? What is their body like when they sit at the computer? What is their relationship with food like? What is their relationship with themselves , their children and their soul mate like? How do they respond to situations that trigger them or situations that fulfill them? What brings them ALIVE?
THE RAW TRUTH: A DANCE BETWEEN OLD AND NEW
When my husband catches me in my old mode of being driven and over-extended, he calls me "The Producer". It's kind of a joke, but more of a gentle reminder to check myself and remember my new definition of what it means to produce and create from within. There’s no room for my old ways if I’m going to truly fulfill this dream and embody Rony Reingold and all she means to me. The new me produces and creates, in fact it brings me alive, but I do so from the center of the goddess within me; of the humble teacher and the person who fully and joyously dances down my own path of empowered self actualization for the sake of personal evolution and inspiring others.
I’ll be honest with you, there are days when I get consumed by the old anxious and controlling producer in me – she lures me into working late, getting disconnected from my body and stretching myself thin. This is my deepest self sabotaging pattern and at times it feels that the new me and the old me are engaged in quite an arm wrestle, each trying to prevail! However as I’ve experienced through evolving beyond other patterns in my transformational journey, when we practice radical Self Love, slowly but surely the new way prevails – in a peaceful and effortless, simple kind of a way. It’s beautiful. And I know that I’m already here. The new me embodies such a deep love of self that when I catch myself in an old way I simply stop and take a breath. I put my hand on my heart, I go for a walk outside, I sing or do a yoga posture to get back into my body. I ask for a hug. Within minutes or sometimes hours, I’m back to embodying Rony Reingold. It feels incredible. This is the path. This is the work. This is what it means to Embody our Truth.
ARE YOU IN?
When we have a dream on the line, we can’t afford not to step up and love ourselves radically. We just can’t. So... what do you OWE to yourself? What is the dream that it’s time to get back in touch with and who do you need to be to make that dream a reality?
Ultimately, the question I'm asking you is: Are You IN? Are you willing to jump into the land of BEING the You You Are Becoming right now? Are you willing to check yourself and bring awareness to yourself when you get stuck in your old ways? Are you willing to take responsibility for those moments when you take things personally and act like a victim, when you react instead of respond, when you feel defeated but know you must continue? Are you willing to gently and simply catch it and choose the new way instead? What will open up for you if you begin to retrain yourself in this way?
I can tell you from my own experience and from the growth I see in my clients that a whole new world of peace, empowerment, connection, freedom, joy and purpose is available to you if you’re willing to start truly LOVING yourself. When you put yourself first and fuel your tanks, speak honestly, take risks in honor of being fulfilled and allow yourself to be seen I guarantee you SO much will open up for you.
You may be afraid to love yourself this radically out of fear that you’ll be deemed selfish, you’ll have to leave your job or you’ll end up alone. If this is how you feel than I invite you to check the story you are telling yourself in your head – most likely there’s a nice, sneaky Saboteur here for you. It’s natural for our saboteurs to show up when we start practicing self love because it threatens their way of being. It threatens the life of the small, shrunken, fearful, accommodating, burnt-out old way. Of course your saboteurs will put up a fit to get your attention when you're about to grow and love yourself majorly. But you’re at choice. You can get sucked into that propoganda in your head or you can simply practice having awareness in the moment and choosing yet again your new way. You can be the you you are becoming.
GO FOR IT!
I cannot wait for April 3rd to come around! It will be the deepest and most profound expression of my truth thus far and I am giddy with excitement to share it all with you. I’ll be teaching you the exact step by step process that I put myself through to walk through the portal of physical, emotional and spiritual transformation. I’ll be sharing with you how I found my truth and what I had to do to reorganize my life to align with it, leading me to my soul mate, my dream career, a healing body and lovely home. It’s the same process I take my clients through and I’m blown away by the inner peace, clarity, deepening of heart, power and spirit that they are experiencing.
As you go about this Valentine’s Day, I invite you to practice more Self LOVE today than you’ve ever practiced before. Become the witness of your own experience and practice catching yourself in the old pattern and shifting into the You You Are Becoming instead. Start to notice the difference in behavior, habits, patterns and response to life in general between the old or current you and the you you are becoming. How does your future self show up in conversation? Is he/she generative and constructive or reactive and small? How would the new you handle this situation? What does the new you want for lunch?
I’m here with you, standing for you, stretching myself as you stretch yourself beyond what you’ve known thus far and into unknown lands of gloriously rich and fulfilling new territory! Your pool of Self Love awaits you. Ready to jump IN?
EMBRACING YOUR INNER SNAIL
LOVING "HERE" AND MOVING FORWARD ONE STEP AT A TIME
"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." - Lao Tzu
I love this photo. Doesn't it capture those moments where you feel like the path to self realization is sooooooo long and you'll never get "there"? So many people are dying to get "there". They ask me: "how'd you get there?", what do I need to do to get there?", etc.
Where is "there"? There is where we wish we were; a fantasy we create of how life will be better later, once we're thinner, stronger, wiser, clearer, more grounded, more aware, more in touch, more easy going. There is where we'll be once we've healed, we've learned, we've integrated and become. Most of us want to get "there" so badly that we fall into over-doing mode, trying to do everything we can to get us closer to "there". We spin our wheels doing everything we can to improve our current situation only to later hit burn out or worse, get bored. Our efforts self combust and that's when we back pedal and end up self-sabotaging ourselves and our dreams.
I admit to falling victim to the get-there-quickly mentality from time to time. For example, as I dedicate time towards planning my upcoming wedding, other areas of my life, such as my business, naturally receive less of my focus. While this is a conscious choice on my part, my Saboteur can't help but speak up occasionally, feeding me the propaganda that I'm loosing valuable business opportunities by dedicating one day a week to the wedding. Along those same lines, I remember when I was in the midst of my physical healing process. I was so nervous that I was wasting precious time by resting and recuperating instead of going on dates and trying to find my husband. Ironically, it was my process of healing (physical on one level but ultimately emotional, mental and spiritual healing) that lead me to my fiancé. Similarly, the fact that I am consciously taking time away from work to design my wedding and this wonderfully sacred right of passage is actually igniting my creative juices and feeding my entrepreneurial spirit. We have time for it all. And actually, right now in this very moment, you're happen to be on your way "there".
WHAT IF "HERE" WAS AS GOOD AS "THERE"?
So what if here was as good as there? What is slow was better than fast? What if the lessons, gifts and opportunities for growth existed by being instead of doing? What if now brought us to later?
When we can accept where we are in this very moment then it actually creates the growth we desire. Appreciate your current life, learn from it, relish in the gifts that exist here for you. These challenges are the opportunities that have shown up for you because you're ready for them. The very act of embracing "here" will ironically open you up to the next step and inherently move you forward. Who would have thought?! The very thing we're fighting is the very thing we need to embrace. The opportunity for healing and evolving only exist right now. That's because this is where you are whether you like it or not. It's time to acknowledge where you are in this moment. It's time to name your experience, name your current emotion and let it be so you can grow past it.
I'm not promoting settling. I'm not saying take no action nor am I saying to wallow in where you are now without dreaming of where you wish to be. I am a HUGE believer of taking big, bold leaps in life so as to reap the big rewards. Without those risks and decisions we simply do not move forward effectively. See my article on Dreaming BIG for more on that. Rather, what I am pointing to is that often we're in such a hurry to get "there" that we miss the opportunity for evolution that is here now, right in front of us. When we seize that opportunity, then the growth actually happens. It can be small growth in the form of one step or it can inspire you to leap further than you ever have before.
TIPS TO EMBRACE YOUR INNER SNAIL
The inner snail-ness that I'm referring to touches on two ways of being. The first is getting present to what's here now. The second is about appreciating the next tiny step you can take instead of needing to win the whole race. This is important because most often, when we're itching to get "there" it means we're in a process of learning and that we're new at something. Imagine that you were learning to play baseball. Your first step in mastering the sport might be to simply get comfortable holding the bat. Then you'd practice swinging over and over before moving onto throwing and catching. You wouldn't expect to go out and win the World Series upon your first attempt at playing the game. Keep this in mind and your inner snail will gracefully and easily guide you through your process of growth.
Questions to ask to help you become present to this moment:
1. What am I noticing about myself right now?
2. What do I need in this moment?
3. How can I lovingly honor my feelings and needs in this moment?
4. Where am I rushing to?
Questions to ask to identify your next step:
1. What do I know about this in my gut?
2. What do I need to practice so that I can be more of the person I want to be?
3. What is one way to BE today that aligns with my higher purpose and path?
4. What one step can I take that will inch me closer to _________? (i.e. to being vulnerable, authentic, brave, truthful, embodied, etc. - This is the goal you have of how to be or how you want your life to be. You could also say closer to being in a loving, committed relationship, etc.).
The next step is going out to "swing the bat" if you will. Simply practice that little step. You may hate it and long to be the World Series pitcher, but for now you simply need to practice swinging the bat. See what it opens up for you. You never know!
Get ready because your ego and Saboteurs will not like this new way of being. They reside in a place of limited beliefs and they like quick results, quick fixes and impulsivity. They'll feed you all kinds of stories and illusions about why slowing down is dangerous. That's because they're threatened when we do slow down to pause and tune into our deeper inner wisdom that empowers us to make the right choices. Instead of resisting it, acknowledge your Saboteur as well. By doing so, it will actually shrink in size and will gently move out of the way.
An old coach of mine used to tell me to enjoy my "cozy slippers" phase; i.e. that period of many months in which I was inwardly focused, in which life wasn't glamorous and I rested my body and quietly fed my soul. Oh how I frowned at those damn cozy slippers. Thank goodness for them though because they quieted me down long enough to hear my dreams whisper to me; long enough so I could sense what it would feel to be grounded in love, inspired by my authentic career and empowered by being my truest self. Ironically, those cozy slippers lead me to my current "here" and oh how grateful I am for that.
Everything works in divine timing. In between your obvious, deliciously bold leaps on the path, I invite you to slow down, take a deep breath and allow yourself to grow from where you are right now.
AWAKEN TO YOUR TRUTH
On August 13th, I was interviewed by spiritual friend and radio host Jeff Daugherty of NC Kaballah radio. Hundreds of people tuned in to join the conversation and learn how simply BEING YOURSELF is one of the most potent doorways to accessing the divine.
In this juicy hour long show I share the following:
* How to identify what has meaning to you
* How to get in touch with and realize your dreams.
* Tips and small steps to easily bring spirituality into your daily life.
* How the right brain can be used to bring your dreams alive.
* The critical connection between nutrition and spirituality.
Here's what people have said about the show:
"Folks, this is one lady that GETS IT. She is the one you have been looking for to help you get to the next level." - Jeff Daughterty
"Amazing talk last night. It's insane how many of your messages have been completely in line with has been going on in my life. Thank you for the reminders. Look forward to reading/listening to more." - N.M.
"That was great! I listened to the whole thing and it really touched me because I have been feeling out of alignment lately. Thanks so much!" - M.P.
To listen to the FREE Replay, visit here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nckabbalah/2012/08/14/nckfriends
I'd love to hear your comments and questions after you've heard the show! Feel free to share below. For more information on Jeff Daughterty visit his website HERE. To read my personal story of awakening and how the Embodied Truth Coaching Program can change your life click HERE.
Thanks for tuning in!
ARE YOU AT THE FRONT OF YOUR OWN LINE
OR IN BACK BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE?
Recently, I was asked to share my story of transformation. On the surface, it is a story of physical healing and the basic emotional growth that takes place when one undergoes a physical healing process. On a deeper level and at it's core, my story is actually one of putting myself first and adopting Self Love. It is a story of seizing the life I knew I was meant to have, of taking back control of my destiny and learning to love myself first and always.
When my clients first start working with me, some of them desire a quick fix and a plan to get from A to Z. Many people want me to tell them what to do. While we can create the most comprehensive "plan", it is irrelevant if you aren't willing or ready to put your dreams first and take the steps to make them a reality for yourself. You can go to healers, coaches, gurus, enlightened teachers and mentors. But if you aren't willing to love yourself through the transformative process then the healing and growth won't occur. Only you can evolve yourself.
Each of us is worth it. Each of us deserves all the good in the world and each of us can conquer those obstacles that feel insurmountable. The trick to following your transformative path begins with SELF LOVE. It starts with putting yourself and your dreams FIRST, even though it might be scary.
PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST. NOT KIND OF FIRST. REALLY FIRST.
In my own story, I realized that in order to heal my body and create the life that I TRULY wanted, I had to put myself first. I mean really first - before EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else that I knew. EVERYONE and EVERYTHING: My clients who provided my income. My sister who was going through a life-altering divorce at the exact same time that my health issues hit and needed my support. My parents who needed me to explain my symptoms. My girlfriends who needed a friend to listen. My work community that required me to network regularly to remain successful. My social plans that kept my calendar full and exciting. The men who wanted to date the fun, outgoing version of me that I no longer resonated with being.
I had to put myself and my dream life first. The real me. The me that always knew I was destined for greatness. The me that knew I would marry the right partner. The me that came here to fulfill a purpose and make an impact. The me that at that time resided in a body that was struggling with relentless fatigue, digestive and immune issues. The me that needed time out to rest and recharge.
Putting myself first required great honesty with myself. First I had to admit that I actually had needs. Then I had to swallow the fact that if I didn't address these needs that my health and life would suffer. I would remain in a mediocre place of life being good rather than glorious. Then I needed to accept my needs as valid and I had to practice not judging myself for having needs. Then I needed to communicate these needs and boundaries to other people. I had to learn to receive support from people. And finally (and most importantly), I had to let go of needing to please everyone else. I had to let go of needing to be perfect. I had to let go of the fear that others would be un-fixably disappointed or damaged if I put myself first.
AFRAID OF BEING SELFISH
Many people, especially women, are afraid to put themselves first. Society labels this as "selfish". We are fed the story that in order to be generous, kind, loving and connected to our loved ones, we must be self less. There is a common fear that we will disappoint others if we tell them no or not right now, if we put our own needs first. We are so afraid that others will be mad at us if we do what makes us happy, if we speak our truth, if we have boundaries and practice self love. We are so afraid of what we might loose by putting ourselves first that we don't even consider how we actually feel or what we truly want in the first place.
The problem with this is that it keeps us from becoming our full, true selves. We become tired, resentful, lazy, needy and unable to give to others the way they actually deserve. However when we put ourselves first and voice our needs, it allows us to recharge our tanks, to be happy and full. From that place our capacity for others increases exponentially and we can actually give generously and thoughtfully.
WE GAIN MORE THAN WE LOOSE
At first it can feel counter-intuitive to put yourself first but over time you'll gain so much more than you're afraid of loosing. I have a client who was focused on being a good provider to his family. His initial assumption was that he couldn't properly provide for them if he followed his dream career so he remained stuck in mediocracy until he couldn't take it any longer. As we worked on developing and actualizing his dreams over time, he began to see how much more he provided for his family once he was aligned with his life's purpose and making that a priority in his life. Not only was he able to provide financially for his family, but he became a wiser, calmer, more supportive and engaged husband and father. That is priceless!
Personally, by putting myself first, I gained my dream life. Seriously. Looking back, I now laugh at what I was afraid to loose because those things are so out of alignment with my truth and dreams. They were simply familiar and that's why I was afraid to let them go. Turns out that I didn't love my old career and when I chose instead to follow my passion, I finally became deeply fulfilled and financially successful. Turns out that the honest, difficult conversations between my sister and I served as an opportunity to share ourselves fully and become very close and accepting of one another. Turns out that some of my old acquaintances and colleagues didn't interest me to begin with and when I admitted that I was finally able to create deeper connections with others. Turns out that the men I was afraid to disappoint by being the real me weren't actually conscious or grounded enough to be potential life partners for me anyways. They certainly didn't embody the qualities that my life partner so naturally does. Wow! Wow! See how much can open up for you when you start putting yourself first?
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
So, what do you need to be honest with yourself about? What needs do you have that are begging for your attention? What type of self care are you in need of? What might you gain if you put yourself and your dreams first? What tanks might fill up by taking the risk to make putting yourself first a priority?
Consider this: how might your genuine capacity and generosity for others expand if your tanks were actually full, if you truly came alive by putting yourself first?
PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST
Putting yourself first is an act of self love and a generous, loving act towards others. It creates room for inspiration and ideas as well as energy to execute on them. It creates space to listen and hear others' opinions. It creates capacity to make a positive impact on others. Putting yourself first doesn't mean ignoring your children, your partner, your friends or clients. It means that you respect yourself enough to love yourself as much as you love them. It means that you prioritize showing up as the best version of yourself for them. It means enforcing boundaries so that you can tend to your own needs in addition to tending to others. Self love is an act of surrendering to our true selves and to our basic needs. It is an act of open-ness and receiving support from the right people on our journey.
Think about the emergency precautions speech that is given every time you take a flight. We are reminded to put our oxygen mask on first before putting it on someone else in need. Here are a few tricks to help you start putting yourself first so you can be happy, aligned and positively generous with others.
1. LISTEN TO THE WHISPER.
Honor your inner whisper by giving it your full attention and promising to follow it. Often times it is a very quiet voice inside that tells to us what we need or what feels right. Practice listening to that voice and identifying what you truly need in any given situation.
2. SPEAK UP.
Once we identify our needs, we must learn to communicate them. Otherwise change won't happen. Practice speaking your truth completely honestly and saying no when you need to. No doesn't mean never, it more likely means just not right now. Be grateful when declining invitations or setting boundaries. Let people know that you will be happy to oblige once your tanks are refueled. Answer questions truthfully, take a risk to say what you really think or feel. Ask for help. See what opens up for you.
3. SMALL DOSES WORK WONDERS.
Often times people won't put themselves first because they believe they don't have the time. I see this with mothers who over extend themselves regularly. People believe that they don't have time to rest, paint, sing, go for a walk or take a break. That's simply not true! Feel free to read my article on how you must make the time for pleasure HERE. A simple 5 - 15 minutes can make all the difference. Sit in your car for 5 minutes and meditate before picking up your kids. Paint for 10 minutes before you head out the door. Take a 15 minute power nap. Walk around the block. It is unrealistic to wait for everything to be perfect before putting yourself first.
I invite you to take the risk of putting yourself first. See if you can do so in the most loving way to yourself and others. See what tanks of yours become full and how your capacity for others increases by doing so.
Please share your comments! I would love to hear what shifts for you once you allow yourself yourself to step to the front of the line. Enjoy!
WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN SAVE OURSELVES.
Inevitably on the path of transformation and self-actualization, there comes a moment when we feel as though we are totally alone. We long for someone to fix us, to tell us what we need to do, to share "the" secret with us and yet somehow that doesn't seem to fix things.
While this may feel like an excruciatingly lonely or frustrating time, it is actually one of the most magical, special moments on the path to awakening to your true self. For this is the moment when you get to be completely and utterly with yourself. You have the gift, the opportunity and the choice as to whether or not you will keep walking forward with yourself and ultimately develop a deeper relationship with your true self. It is critical to have support on the path - from community, teachers, healers, coaches, friends and family (biological or otherwise). And yet, none of those people can save us. We are the only ones who can truly save ourselves. We are the ones who get to choose if we will love ourselves and practice self compassion as we let ourselves emerge or if we will reside in a mindset of despair, frustration and defeat. We are the ones who decide if we will rise up from the ashes and ask for help and if we will keep moving towards our dreams when help does not arrive.
I invite you to see this moment as the biggest gift the Universe has ever given you. Seize it as your opportunity to take a stand for yourself and to commit to doing what ever it takes to actualize who you truly are in this life. I promise you that as soon as you accept that you are on this journey by yourself and for yourself, that things will shift. The right support systems and cheer leaders will emerge. The fog will begin to clear and your path to deep fulfillment, purpose, joy and authentic self expression will become illuminated step by step.
You are a perfect human being who is creative, resourceful and whole in your most natural state and at this very moment. Trust the whisper inside you. Trust your abilities. Trust that as you keep evolving you will experience the great abundance, love and magic of this world more and more. Below is one of my favorite poems by the great poet Mary Oliver. I am inspired to share it with you so that it may support you in moving forward on YOUR path no matter what.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~
BY SAYING "NO" TO ONE THING,
WE SAY "YES" TO ANOTHER
Most everybody I speak to struggles with enforcing boundaries in their life or putting their own needs first. In an effort to go with the flow, keep the peace, make a good living, be in a relationship, etc. many people opt to keep the status quo instead of going for their dreams. There is a fear of upsetting other people, disappointing them, inconveniencing others, failing or not being understood. So, we suffer. We remain stuck in the mediocracy of life feeling overwhelmed, settling for good enough instead of phenomenal and becoming resentful and burnt out.
This is no way to live. Yet many of us are all too familiar with what it's like when we are afraid to say no to others. More so, many of us are familiar with what it's like to feel stuck in a job, relationship, social circles, etc. that simply don't fulfill us. Have you ever been afraid to leave the familiarity of your unsatisfying relationship out of fear that a better guy/gal won't come along? Have you ever been afraid to leave the golden handcuffs of your corporate job out of fear that your dream career might leave you penniless? Living this way is allowing fear to dominate your life. It simply won't work long term.
STUCK IN FEAR'S GRIP
As long as you are afraid to let go of the things that no longer serve you because you fear something better might not come along, you will remain stuck. In essence, you will be committing to the very things you don't want. For example, if you are saying yes to continually working non stop, you are essentially saying no to having time for yourself or having time for a loving, balanced relationship. If you are saying yes to being taken advantage of, you are essentially saying no to participating in empowered, respectful relationships with others. While saying NO can be scary and uncomfortable, it is imperative to say NO to those people and things that no longer serve you if you want to live a happy, fulfilled, purposeful and healthy life.
CONSIDER A REFRAME
I'd like to offer a reframe on saying NO. Consider that every time you say NO to one thing, you are effectively saying YES to something else. Think about saying NO as a new way to say YES to what you're truly after. For example: When you say NO to wearing a skirt, you are saying YES to wearing pants. When you say NO to processed foods, you are saying YES to increased energy, vitality and overall well-being. Here are some powerful examples to consider:
* When you say NO to settling for crumbs in your relationship, you are saying YES to committing to TRUE, authentic partnership in which you can be loved, adored, honored and respected.
* When you say NO more to feeling suffocated by your lucrative 9-5 job that bores you to death, you are saying YES to living in alignment with your true purpose and calling. You are saying YES to having an impact in the world simply by being happy and offering your value from that place.
* When you say NO to being last on your list of priorities, you are saying YES to filling up your tanks so that you can actually be present and generous around family, friends and co-workers.
* When you say NO to over-giving to family and friends, you are saying YES to being respected by others and to creating important balance and structure in your life.
* When you say NO to speaking dishonestly out of fear of disappointing others, you are saying YES to expressing yourself truthfully therefore creating the opportunity for deep understanding, appreciation and growth in your relationships.
* When you say NO to going to every social engagement you are invited to because you are too tired, you are saying YES to resting your body and giving yourself the downtime or breathing room you need.
READY TO SAY YES?
So.... what and who are you ready to say NO to? More importantly, what are you ready to SAY YES to? This is your life. This is your time. In order to be truly happy and healthy the way you long to be, you must be willing to SAY YES to your ultimate life. YES to who you really are. YES to the abundance, love, connection, freedom, authenticity and purpose you desire. You must be willing to take the risk of saying NO.
I invite you to take a risk TODAY and say NO to something that is no longer serving you. It is no one else's fault. People take advantage of us because we allow them to. Our lives become tedious and meaningless because we let them get this way. This world needs you to come alive. This world needs you to start saying YES to YOU by saying NO to others. There simply is no more room for settling.
NO IS ACTUALLY A GIFT
Saying NO does not have to be mean or rude. You can politely say no to someone's offer by saying "No, thank you". Or, "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It doesn't fit with my schedule but I appreciate the offer." Saying NO to social plans so that you can restore your tanks creates a version of you that will have greater capacity and compassion for others. Our world will be positively impacted by the version of you who has boundaries. For it is this version of you that will simply and graciously demand respect from others. It is this version of you who inspire others by serving as an example of someone who practices self care, boundaries, generosity and appreciation of others. Begin to notice how saying NO is actually a gift to the people around you and to our world. Notice how you show up when you are actually happy and at full capacity to generously engage with others. Notice your productivity levels and your compassion.
You do not need to apologize for saying no or give numerous reasons that justify your "NO"-ness to others. Simply practice saying NO as gently and graciously as you can. Practice with the waiter who offers you more water when you don't want any. Simply say: "No, thank you". Practice with the person who wants to schedule something at a time that is inconvenient for you. Simply say: "I'd love to get together however that time doesn't work. These are the times that work for me". See what opens up for you.
THIS IS A BIG DEAL
This is a big deal. In our society we are trained that NO is a bad thing. We get really good at saying YES to everything, even those things we don't want. This is especially true for women. When I learned to say NO it changed my life. It freed me up to heal my body, find my life's purpose, recognize the love of my life and deepen my relationships with family and friends. It allowed me to clear out all of those things that were weighing me down and to create tremendous joy and freedom in my life that I am truly grateful for.
I invite you to do the same. Please share what you are ready to SAY NO and YES to in the comments area. Let's start a movement! Let's SAY YES by saying NO! I very much look forward to hearing what you're ready for and to supporting you on your journey towards living your ultimate life. You deserve it.
When you re-invent yourself through conscious inner work and by taking responsibility for your life, things begin to shift. First there are internal shifts such as a deeper sense of inner peace, freedom or clarity and then external shifts start to take place such as meeting inspiring people who support your path or understanding how you can finally move on from that thing/person who has been holding you back. More than anything, as we begin to live in alignment with our values, the purest form of who we are begins to emerge. I experienced this first hand and continue to feel it deepening as I refine and embody my truth more over time. I see it in clients who begin to identify their core values and put themselves first, out-growing old patterns and discarding sabotaging illusions. I see it when we remove processed foods and toxins from the body and allow our body to be nourished by clean, whole foods - a pureness and power is created on a physical level. We return home to our truest selves. Life becomes rich. I am inspired to share one of my favorite poems with you that poetically describes how it feels to SEE YOURSELF, the TRUE YOU once again or maybe for the first time ever. It is called Love After Love.
Inviting all of you to feast on your life and to join me on this magical journey of living as the TRUE YOU.
A WONDERFUL MOMENT ON MY PATH
Yesterday I reached my own personal pinnacle on this journey of living my truth. I had some powerful A-Ha's that brought great clarity and provided a sense of contentment as well as pride for all of the work I've done to get me to where I am today. To celebrate, I hiked to the top of Mount Tamalpais roughly 30 minutes north of San Francisco and basked in the magnificence of what it meant to "reach the top". This picture doesn't do the view justice. It was a 360 degree view of the entire San Francisco Bay, the Pacific Ocean, the mountains, the trees, the coastal fog and city's structures. It was simply breath taking to stand in nature, experience the wind in my face and feel the vastness of possibility before me. I literally felt on top of the world. I allowed myself to celebrate this moment in time.
GIVING YOURSELF A NECK CRAMP
Why is it that we forget to celebrate the little pinnacles we reach along our journey? We can become so focused on the ultimate result that we overlook the triumphs we are experiencing on a daily basis. The truth is that there is always further to go. Once we reach one peak, we are exposed to the next. Just as a baby wants to run once it has mastered walking, we too can always see the next opportunity before us. Imagine if you were hiking up a mountain this way though. If your gaze was always up, you would likely trip (or give yourself a neck cramp!). While it is critical to have a clear vision of where you are headed, it is also important to fully appreciate where you are right now.
INVITATION TO CELEBRATE
I invite you to celebrate yourself, your achievements, both big and small up until now. Celebrate all of the wonderful things in your life at this very moment. Honor the internal work you have done to become more authentic, to speak what is true for you, to risk for the sake of being happier. Pat yourself on the back for the times when you fell but got up again anyways; for the things you have outgrown, the new habits you've created and for the people you have forgiven, including yourself. Celebrate how you have changed and who you are now becoming. You don't have to wait until you are at the top of Mount Everest. We climb little mountains of magnificence every day of our lives.
ENJOYING THE VIEW AT THE TOP
Allow yourself to recognize that at this moment you are at the top of a mountain. It may not be the tallest mountain peak on earth, but it's certainly higher than where you were in the past. Bask in the glory of the view from up here. What have you overcome? What has made you stronger... or softer, more open or aware? Look out and see what's possible from here. Soak it all in. If you live in a place where you can go for a hike, I invite you to climb a small mountain to symbolize reaching your successes. Once you get to the top, take a moment to feel it all and congratulate yourself!
I'd love to hear what mountains you've climbed recently and how you are celebrating your efforts! Feel free to share your comments below.
Valentines Day.... the holiday of LOVE. The holiday that celebrates lovebirds, chocolate, roses and relationship. For some this is a dreaded holiday where the mindset of comparison and lack suffocate any potentially positive experiences. For others, it is a time to truly be grateful for the precious, bountiful love shared with another and to celebrate the blessing of romantic partnership through expressing love.
As we experience the LOVE holiday today, I am intrigued to explore another important avenue of love; quite possibly the most important loving relationship we will ever have: the one with ourselves. What if we took all of the energy that is funneled into Valentine's Day and focused it on loving ourselves more?
What if we gave ourselves permission to practice SELF LOVE as much as we practice loving others?
WHAT IS SELF LOVE?
Self love is at the heart of all growth and healing. It is at the core of human potential. For when self love is cultivated and allowed to blossom, the stage is set for experiencing the fullness of life and for extending natural, generous love towards others. We heal ourselves and therefore the planet through self love. It is our love for ourselves that inspires a desire for a better experience of our bodies and our lives. It is love of self that has us take responsibility for ourselves, motivates change and fortifies our commitment to our dreams, resiliency and joy. It is love of self that whispers to us to move beyond our self-sabotaging patterns and limiting beliefs and to choose instead the route that is in the best interest of everyone involved. It is self love that serves as the spring-board towards shedding our old identity and EMBODYING our new one.
Self love means loving yourself even in comparison to others. Self love means having self respect and enforcing boundaries that cultivate your highest good. Self love means having the courage to put yourself first, even though you are afraid others may be disappointed, so that you can refuel your tanks and actually increase your capacity for others. Self love means accepting all of who you are - the good, the bad, the radiant and the not so radiant parts of your body and your personality. Self love means identifying your core values and then going out and actually living your life in alignment with those things that are most important to you. It means seeing self care as generous, not selfish. Self love means spending time with those people who support you and light you up and having the courage to gently let go of those relationships that are toxic and draining to you.
WHAT DOES SELF-LOVE CREATE?
When our self-love tanks become full, we begin to heal - emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. We begin to develop the graceful ability to sit with all of who we are and be whole. From there we become vulnerable, brave, loving and open. Life becomes juicy. Others now enhance our internal happiness as opposed to being the false source of happiness that we cling to. When we consciously fill our self-love tanks, we begin to build the muscle of positivity, attractiveness, alignment, inner peace and authentic empowerment. We develop courage, compassion, freedom and fulfillment. It is like tending to the soil of a great tree. When we water and nurture the soil, the roots will be vibrant, the trunk will grow strong and the leaves will come alive with brilliant colors of green and red.
So on this holiday dedicated to love, I ask you: How can you love yourself more? What would your love-life look like if you loved yourself too? How can you fill your self-love tanks?
Here are some TIPS for creating more self-love in your life:
Stand in front of the mirror (preferably naked!) and take a look at yourself. You may notice some critical thoughts enter your mind immediately about your body. If you need to, spend 30 seconds being critical. Get it out of the way. Then.... take a couple of long, deep breaths. Look into your own eyes and proclaim out loud to yourself: "I love you. I really love you.". You may repeat this a few times if you like. Then begin to shower your body with love. Speak lovingly to each part of your body that you see. Say out loud: "I love you eyes". "I love you ears; thank you for letting me hear such beautiful, loving statements". "I love you arms, you are strong". "I love you thighs, you are feminine and sultry". Notice what shifts. Do this every day for 3 weeks and see what changes for you.
Take a blank piece of paper and for 10 minutes write down all the things that you love about yourself. They can be significant or tiny. See if you can reach up to 20 things or more. For example: I love that I love my family. I love my dorky sense of humor. I love my ability to fix things around the house. I love my voice. I love my willingness to try new things.
LOVE IN ACTION
What is 1 new way that you can demonstrate self love today? Perhaps it is through speaking authentically or standing up for yourself. Perhaps you can open up to someone and practice being vulnerable. Maybe you can treat yourself to a rejuvenating night at home with an epsom salt bath and a good movie. Practice building your muscle of self love in daily life and see what opens up for you in your life.
Our world needs the version of you that is practicing self love. Your children need it, your spouse needs it, your friends and family need it. The people who you are going to inspire need it. Give yourself permission to become whole by loving your self more. Practice loving others and receiving love on this special day from the place of fullness that self-love brings. May your love cup spillith over.
Here's to love! May it flow deeply through you and may it help your light shine bright.
I'd love to hear your comments. What do you love about yourself?
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About Rony Reingold
Rony Reingold, HLC, CPCC is CEO of Embodied Truth Coaching. As a Certified Holistic and Transformational Coach, Motivational Speaker, Forthcoming Author and Inspirational Change Agent, Rony works with people who are ready to claim their lives and create more freedom, power, purpose and joy for themselves on a daily basis. Rony has guided countless clients across the globe towards inner and outer success by helping them clarify, claim and then create their personalized dream life. Rony specializes in working with individuals and groups who are awakening to something more and are ready to step into their deepest fulfillment and full potential.